A Moment of Understanding

Hey friends, family and strangers
Today has been a pretty average day, and by average I mean, crappy. From stomach pain to my constant headache and terrible sweats, I'm surprised I'm able to move.
My day consisted of sleeping until noon and laying in bed or on the sofa reading Quarantine The Loners Book 1. I would recommend it for teenagers and young adults who are looking for a thriller like the Hunger Games or Divergent, with a much different twist.
Thank you mommy!


Luckily, I have a strong pain threshold and was able to make it youth group where I got to shoot hoops and be myself, for once. I was in my own world as the ball swished through the night or bounce off the rim with every shot. That was, until my brother and his friends took over the hoop.
So those of you who know me, know that I don't open up easily and that I've struggled to pray ever since I was younger, now more than ever. Instead of praying, I do anything else possible, from focusing on chewing my gum to make faces at anyone else who is bored to talking to my friends.
I was lucky enough that a good friend of mine was able to sit and chat with me for about 20 minutes. She understood and didn't bombard with any questions, just let me say what I felt.
And Honestly what I've felt is that being a cancer survivor is sometimes far worse than having cancer. When you have cancer you have a reason to be depressed and feel like crap. But once you're in remission, everyone expects you to be bright and shiny.
Well, to those people, I'm not fine and I don't think I ever will be completely fine. I don't have good days, I have okay and bad days. Ask any cancer survivor and they'll tell you that there is never a day that goes by that they don't remember the pain they went through.

These days I'm not thriving, I'm surviving. It's what I do.

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